How to Help a Dog With Separation Anxiety: Rate Their Goodbye

By BEANS Team · Published 2026-10-29

Every dog has a goodbye level, from the napper who keeps snoring as you leave to the full meltdown at the door. Here are five, rated for fun, plus how to tell a normal goodbye from real distress, the two things not to do, and three small habits that make leaving easier.

What does your dog do when you leave?

Most dogs notice you going, check the door, and then settle. That is normal. The dogs to watch are the ones who can't settle, or whose stress only shows once they are alone.

A quick word on what follows. The five levels and their names come from our short film, not from a study or a clinical scale, so treat them as a friendly way to describe what you see. The advice underneath comes from the ASPCA, RSPCA UK and RSPCA Queensland, and we link every source below. None of it replaces a vet who knows your dog.

Want to watch the five goodbye levels in 87 seconds?

We turned the five levels, what not to do and the three fixes into a short film with Miya, our Goldendoodle, tugging at the house keys by the front door.

Which goodbye level is your dog?

Levels one to three are normal as long as she settles. Levels four and five are signs of stress that are worth working on, and level five is a reason to talk to your vet.

The catch is that you often can't see levels four and five, because they happen after the door shuts. RSPCA UK says separation-related behaviour shows "starting within a few to 30 minutes" of the owner leaving, and suggests "installing a camera to monitor your pet while you're out." An old phone propped on a shelf and recording works too. A few minutes of footage tells you far more than the state of the sofa at 7pm.

Is it separation anxiety, or something else?

Not every mess means anxiety. Boredom, incomplete house training, young-dog chewing and medical problems can all look similar, so rule those out first.

The ASPCA lists the classic signs of separation anxiety: toileting indoors, persistent barking or howling, chewing and digging at doors and windows, escape attempts and pacing. The key point is when they happen. Of pacing, it says that if it is caused by separation anxiety, "it usually doesn't occur when his guardian is present." The same page lists look-alikes worth ruling out:

• Boredom. "Some dogs can be disruptive when left alone because they're bored and looking for something to do."
• House training. A dog who has the odd accident indoors, even when you are home, may simply not be fully house trained yet.
• Young dogs. Many puppies and adolescents chew and dig whether you are home or not.
• Health. The ASPCA's advice is to "see your dog's veterinarian" before starting behaviour work, and it notes that some medications can cause frequent urination and house soiling.

RSPCA Queensland adds alarm or guard barking to the list. A dog who barks at every footstep in the corridor may be guarding the flat rather than panicking about being alone. A camera helps here too.

What should you never do when your dog struggles with goodbyes?

Skip the big, emotional goodbye, and never tell her off for the mess. Both make leaving feel like a bigger deal, and punishment can make the problem worse.

The ASPCA says "all greetings (hellos and goodbyes) should be conducted in a very calm manner", and its version of a good goodbye is simple: "just give your dog a pat on the head, say goodbye and leave."

Coming home to a chewed shoe or a puddle is frustrating, but the ASPCA is clear that "Anxious behaviors are not the result of disobedience or spite." They are distress responses. It warns: "If you punish him, he may become even more upset and the problem could get much worse." RSPCA UK says it is "essential not to physically punish or shout at your dog", and explains that a scolded dog often lowers her head and tucks her tail, which owners read as guilt. We wrote about that look in why dogs look guilty. Its tip: let your dog into another room before you clean up, so she doesn't see your annoyance.

How do I help my dog cope when I leave?

Three small habits: make the keys boring, practise tiny trips, and give her something long and chewy every time you go. Build up slowly, and stay below the point where she gets upset.

1. Make the keys boring. Many dogs start to worry at the first jingle of keys or the sound of shoes going on. RSPCA Queensland's advice: "Begin by going about your normal leaving ritual, but then sit back down on the couch." Do it often, in a different order each time. The ASPCA warns that your dog "must experience the fake cues many, many times a day for many weeks" before they stop meaning a long absence, so this is a slow habit, not a quick trick.
2. Tiny trips. Step out for a few seconds, come back in, no fuss. RSPCA Queensland suggests "starting at a few seconds". The ASPCA's rule is "to plan your absences to be shorter than the time it takes for your dog to become upset", building up over weeks. If you see panting, yawning, trembling or pacing, the step was too big, so go back to a shorter one.
3. Give her a job. The ASPCA suggests that "every time you leave the house, you can offer your dog a puzzle toy stuffed with food". RSPCA UK suggests "a long-lasting chew such as a stuffed Kong toy", and to make sure she enjoys it when you are there too. If she ignores it when you're out, RSPCA UK says that may be a sign she is worried while you are away.

Exercise helps as well. The ASPCA suggests exercising your dog shortly before you leave so she is ready to rest. In Singapore that usually means an early-morning walk before the heat, or a round of our indoor games on a wet day.

How long it takes depends on the dog. The ASPCA says mild cases may improve with a food toy and calm goodbyes, while moderate or severe cases need a gradual desensitisation and counterconditioning programme over weeks.

When should you see a vet or a behaviourist?

If she is at level four most days, ever reaches level five, or isn't improving after a few weeks of practice, talk to your vet. Don't wait for it to get worse.

RSPCA UK advises talking to your vet first, who "should then refer you to a clinical animal behaviourist" for a personalised plan. RSPCA Queensland calls a vet consultation "vitally important". In the US, the ASPCA points to certified applied animal behaviourists and board-certified veterinary behaviourists. Ask your vet who they recommend in Singapore.

Medication is a vet decision. The ASPCA says anti-anxiety medication can help some dogs tolerate time alone, usually alongside behaviour work, and says to "always consult with your veterinarian or a veterinary behaviorist before giving your dog any type of medication". Never give your dog human medicines.

Some dogs injure themselves at doors and windows; the ASPCA mentions broken teeth and damaged paws and nails. If you see that, call your vet promptly. And whatever level she is, RSPCA UK recommends not leaving a dog alone for more than four hours, and much less for puppies. A friend, a sitter or day care can bridge long days while you train.

Can calming chews help with separation anxiety?

They may help some dogs feel calmer as part of a wider plan. They don't replace the training above, and a level five dog needs a vet, not just a supplement.

Calming (SGD $34.80): Less drama at the door. L-theanine, chamomile and valerian root to help anxious pups find their chill.

Our Calming soft chews are made with L-theanine, chamomile and valerian root for dogs who find it hard to settle. As our supplement buyer's guide says, the evidence for calming ingredients is limited, so think of them as support alongside behaviour training. They are for dogs only, not cats. They are currently on pre-order, with restock expected on 1 November 2026. If your dog takes any medication, check with your vet before adding them.

How does this work in an HDB flat?

The plan is the same, but your neighbours may notice before you do. If someone mentions barking while you are out, take it as useful information: it may be the first sign of a level four or five dog.

Flats also make tiny trips easy to practise. The corridor, the lift lobby and a walk to the letterbox are all natural short absences you can build from. Go back to calm, quiet returns too: our welcome home scale covers how to keep hellos low-key, which is the other half of a calm goodbye.

Bottom line

Most goodbyes are fine. If your dog is a napper, a sigher or a door guard who settles, keep leaving calm and quick. If she paces, whines, scratches or barks once you are gone, never punish her: make the keys boring, practise tiny trips, give her a leaving chew, and talk to your vet sooner rather than later.

For dogs who find goodbyes hard, take a look at our Calming soft chews, on pre-order now.

This article is general information, not veterinary advice. If your pet has ongoing symptoms, see your vet.